Sonu's Fans Present... Unmusically Yours

Poster Credit: Praveen Solanki

Sonuholics want to put up a show for Mr. Sonu Nigam on New Year's eve. Rehearsals are in progress...

Aurangzeb is the anchor and is practising his welcoming speech.

Aurangzeb - Sangeet ke baadshah...
Raaj - You mean Sangita ke Shehzaade?
Aurangzeb - Nahin! Sangeet ke baadshah.
Raaj - Mai bhi toh wahi keh raha hoon 🙄

Omkar - Right Sonuholics, let's start. Just sing your song one after the other, okay? Who's first?

Soureek - Sandese aate hein...
Debojit - Shotti? Sonu Sir ke sasuraal se? I love sandesh. My favourite mithai.
Soureek - 😕

Omkar - (rolls his eyes) Next.

Ravi - What is mobile number...
Kanwal - Phitte muh. Sharm nahin na aandi? Sundar kudi dekhi nahin ki seedha what is mobile                         number. Thodi sharm-o-haya baaki hai toh pooch - what is wattsapp number.
Ravi - 😰

Omkar - Who's next?

Jatin - Sapna jahaan, dastak na de...
Tina - Devarji, Sapna aisi hi hai. No manners... bina knock kiye ghusi chali aati hai.
Smyr - Jatin? Yey Sapna kaun hai?

Gaurav - Mai thehra raha, zameen chalne lagi...

Vadlapudi - Feeling dizzy?
Gaurav - Dhadka yeh dil, saans thamne lagi...
Vadlapudi - Aiyo, breathing problem? Go to a doctor ma. It could be something serious.

Omkar (looks at them, perplexed. Scratches his head) Next singer.

Ankush is looking Radiyah singing Totta.
Ankush - Tu kudi hai totta, nakhra mota...
Radiyah glares at Ankush.
Balaram - Ankhiyon se goli maare...
Radiyah - Aajke ladke, I tell you...
Shakes her head and flounces off to the other side of the room.

Shalin - Abhi...
Abhishek - Haan, bol.
Shalin - Abhi, mujh mein kaheen...
Abhishek - Arre koi kami nahin hai tujh mein. Wedding nerves hein, aur kya. Itni overthinking matt                       kar.

Praveen - Chup-chupke chup-chupke chori se chori...
Sajid - Bhai, bandh kar do yey chori-chupe videos upload karna. Sony phirse account pe taala laga              dega.
Praveen - 😟

Saurabh Dixit and Ankitaa start singing at the same time.

Saurabh - Pehle aap.
Ankitaa -Pehle aap.
Saurabh - Nahin nahin, pehle aap.
Hitesh - Takalluf chodiye... aji taaruf kijiye.
Leena - Inn dono ke pehle aap pehle aap mein play ki band baj jaani hai 😏

Omkar - Exactly. Let's move onto the next singer guys. We're running out of time. 

Falak - Jhappiyon sa desh hai mera...
Nahida - Yahaan pe ishq hi hai Rab aur Khuda soniya.
Utkarsh - Arre wah! Tab toh turant England ka ticket katvaana padega. 😉

Falak and Nahida stare at Utkarsh. 

Falak - Oh ladke deewaane, kahaan se aaya tu?

Utkarsh - 😱

Manisha is busy scrolling through Facebook posts. Rubs her eyes.
Deepaks - Gulabi aankhen, jo teri dekhi...
Usha - Gulabi kya, red bolo. Din bhar phone se chipki rahegi toh yahi hona hai. Jaake eye drops                    daal.

There's silence.
Omkar - What happened? Who's next?
Meher - I think Zahra Noor.
Zahra is jet-legged and has fallen asleep.
Meher - Sunn Zahra. Bibi sunn Zahra... 
             Aaj khamoshiyon se, aa rahi hai sadaa...
Zahra gets up with a start.
Zahra - Sau dard hein... I forget. My Hindi's not so good.
Victoria - Just improvise darling. Improvise.
Zahra - Sau dard hein, sau Sonuholics...
              Sab miley, dilnashin, ek Sonu nahin.

In the meantime, SONU has heard about the rehearsals and decides to surprise his fans.

He makes his grand entry.

Picture Credit: Puja Roy

At first there is pin drop silence. Everybody's too shocked to react. This is followed by wild cheering and clapping.

Sonu - Poornima chadar tarar mela akashe...

Dhadaam.

Poornima has fainted.

Sonu - Falak dekhun...
Dhadaam.
Falak has fainted.

Sonu - Haaiii....

Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadhaaaaaam.

Pragya, Preeti, Dhara, Kshirodini, Kalpana, Kirtilata and Tikshu have fainted.

Sonu - Mujhe raat din, bass mujhe chahti ho...
Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadaam Dhadhaaaaaam...

Yasmin Siddiq - I Love ❤️ Sonu Nigam you
Yasmin Siddiq - I Love 💕 Sonu Nigam you’re
Yasmin Siddiq - I Love 💗 Sonu Nigam your

...Dhadaam Dhadhaaaaaam......
Hansa has fainted.

THE END

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Aaj ki Ramayana... with Sonu Nigam

Ek Anokhi Mauke ki Dastak

Nagmo ki ek Shaam... Sonu Nigam ke Naam

Keep smiling friends. Keep ROFL. Life is Beautiful 😊

Happy Birthday Gaurav

Where do I begin? It started 13 years back. I sat curled up on the sofa, eyes glued to the television screen, a crumpled up tissue in one hand and tears rolling down my cheeks. It was an emotional scene between Jassi and Nandu. And as I watched that scene I wished I had a friend like Nandu. Little did I know that sometimes wishes not only come true, but turn out to be even better than what you had wished for 😍

It has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, ever since he accepted me as a friend 9 years, 5 months, 2 weeks and 1 day back. First of all I had to get used to the statuson ki bauchaar – there were the Rosy-Violet series, the My Wife series, Agle Janam Mohe series, When Opportunity Knocks series, When Nature Calls series and many more 😉

Agle janam mohe same to same hi kijo  hainji – and we all say Amen to that 😇

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 Rosy kaindi " face book " ...violet kaindi "orkut"....mai kainda...."internaaat ka bill daddy bharege?"

Rosy kaindi Kiss me .. Violet kaindi Love me .. mai kainda hawwww .. lesbanians... hainji

Rosy kaindi 'do me ' . . Violet kaindi ' do me re ' . . Mai kainda ' oho bholi . . it is do re me fa so la te do ' . .hainji

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When nature calls me middle of the night ..at times i just sms back .. "who is this ?sorry dont have ur number " .. ( just to avoid conversation )

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Kaun bhool sakta hai woh chandni raatein, when the girl gang was in full swing, giggling all night long and drawing inspiration from Rocky Solvent (Rakhi Sawant). Or the innumerable times we’ve played antakshari. I remember playing non-stop for 3 hours once. Don’t remember playing that long in real life. LOL!!!

Ya phir uss dolti-madmaati haseena ko – our one and only Mauli dearest, jisne meri jaisi bholi ablaon ko bhi bigad diya.

Mohe aayi na 'Jug' se laaj .. dhatt .. lekin mai 'lote' aur 'mug' se shramati hoo hai daiyyaahh.

Har truck ke peeche use diaper at night likha hota hai ..dhatt .. mai itni driving thodi karti hoon non stop .. ki rukne ka time hi nahi milta .. waise bhi mai karke ghar se chaltio hoo ..huh aaye bade, hai daiyya.

Labour day se darti hoo, hai daiyya.

Subah uth ke 'jog' ke liye jati hoo .. darti hoo .. kahi 'jogan' na bann jaoo, hai daiyya.

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Then the record-breaking status, the offspring of which was the vela gang 😂

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Aur phir woh nasha, woh paagalpan - the addiction with farmville. Before I knew what was happening, all my friends had been transformed into farmers with zamindar Gera in the lead.

Just 24 hrs left .. before i open my farmville gifts .. under the christmas tree yayyyyyyyyyyyyy  hainji. :))))))))

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Dil bolta hai Goa jao GG . . Dimaag kehta hai lonavla jao GG . . Sharafat bolti hai stay at home :/

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There were other minor addictions – Cartoon-making, Twitter - jab Gaurav ji FB kaaki ke dil ke do lakh aath hazaar teen sau ninyanve tukde karke Twitteranchal chale gaye the ghar basaane 😢

Am in a messy situation .. :/ love triangle u see . facebook twitter and me :/  hainji

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Then came the BIG one – the webisodes aur Gaurav ke Bade-Bade bachhe – Chutki and Chutku. Yey dono bachhe mujhe reh-reh kar Pamela aunty aur Asha Parekh ji ki kyun yaad dilaate hein, yey toh papa Gaurav hi bata payenge 😉

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Aur phir woh kaala khunkhaar bhayanak gumgeen toofani andhera din  – when Gaurav deactivated his account and this time it was not just FB Kaaki whose heart broke into a million pieces…. 😭

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Over the year, we got to see Gaurav in various SHADES…..

Agle janam mohe baithe-bithaye muscles hi dijo .. gym shym ni hota… hainji

Hey prabhu .. 'Brad' ki jholie mai 'Jolie' di .. meri jholi kyu khali hai ...Agle janam mohe jolie hi dijo… hainji.

Agle janam mohe superhero with super powers kijo… hainji.

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Jin ke ghar sheeshe ke hote hai .. wo doosre ke ghar pe paththar nahi phenkte ... is a totally wrong saying .. Jin lives in a metal chiraag not sheesha .. duh duh duh…. hainji

Jin ke ghar sheeshe ke hote hai .. unhe ghar mai ..poora din sun block creme lagana padta hai… Dhishhhhhhhhhhhh .. hainji ;)

Jin ke ghar sheeshe ke hote hai .. wo servants se ..Sahab ghar pe nahi hai .. nahi bulwa sakte… dhishhhh .. hainji

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Har chamakne wali cheez..munni bai ke kothe pe naachti hui .. shimlabai ke client teja ke peekdaan mai thooke hue paan ke saath sone ka daant nahi hoti… hainji .

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Jo comment kare uska bhala .. jo like kare uska bhi bhala .. jo ignore kare uska bhi bhala :) hainji.

Pyare facebookeron .. aaj shanivar ke din..aaiye hum commentaasan aur likekriya karein..aap ko 'whats on ur mind' ka jawaab mil jayega..uske baad aap dil khole ke statusupdatum..pics uploadum..online chatum..jaise.. mushkil kaary ekdum safalta aur asani se kar payeinge .. lambi saans lijiye aur saans chodne ke saath boliye .. hainjiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

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Ghamgeen mohabbat .. aashiqi ki zohbat .. dil ke aashiyane mai .. ek kufr si koft hoti hai .. zarra zarra tagaad .. burf si shokhi .. zikr karti hai ..zulm talaffuz .. tawajoo maikhane .. saaaki ki nasheeli .. bezaar bezaar bezaar " .... guys this is the first ghazal i wrote .. pls encourage me .. hainji ;)

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…….And MOODS....

Kuch bhi keh lo .. kaisa bhi hoon .. lekin baatein achchi karta hoon mai :p

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Jali ko aag kehte hai . . baar baar jalne wali ko .. jal kukkdi kehte hai… hainji

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U be nice to me i be nice to u .. i dont care what u do .. what position u hold .. Respect and peace .. else balls to u.

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Ohhh .. now my status-vrat got over :) .. hw u doing :) hainji.

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Agar aap status padh rahe hai ..muskurate hai .. aur comment nahi karte .. to aap SO rahe hai .. JAGO FBians JAGO… chai pilawaan ??? hainji :P

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And the ultimate statuses that sum it all up:

Yunki hame zyada status update karne ki aadat to hai nahi .. lekin ab pooch hi liya hai to bata dete hai .. hamara naam GG hai .. aur hum kisi ke PG nahi hai .. aap agar BG hai .. to koi baat nahi baad mai baat kar lenge .. tab tak .. good day .. hainG.

If money is lost nothing is lost,if health is lost something is lost, if u have lost your character everything is lost.. ( chalo koi baat nahi ) .. but if internet connection lost .. HAIYO RABBA .. ye din dikhane se pehle mujhe utha kyu na liya… hainji.

Wo aaye hamare status par khuda ki kudrat hai .. kabhi hum likes ginte hai .. to kabhi hum comments padh ke muskurate hai :) hainji :P

Aur hum sab aapke status ko padh kar kabhi LOL toh kabhi ROFL karte hein. Aur dua karte hein ki jitna aapne hum sabko hasaya hai, uss se hazar gunna hassi aapko miley. Aap hamesha pett pakad kar hahahaha karte rahein, aapki ungliyan Basanti ke paun ki tarah hardam keyboard par thirakti rahe aur aapka wall phir kabhi luka-chupi na khele.  Basanti ke naam se ek aur status yaad aa gaya:

After breaking up .. first thing Basanti did was .. keep a private show for the dogs .. woof woof…. hainji.

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And now for the birthday GIFT – Gaurav, don’t complain, you asked for it :P :P :P :P

If i was any cuter .. i would get diapers as birthday gift :P :P

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAURAV!!!

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Aaj ki Ramayana... with Sonu Nigam

Poster Credit: Harisha Jangid

(This is a fun blog written for Sonu and his Sonuholic family. All in good fun. No offence meant to anyone).

Nataliia - Guess what?  We have permission to shoot The Ramayana with SONU NIGAM Ji!!!

Nahida - You kidding, right?

Ravi - Nataliiaji ne kaha hai toh sach hi huna. Woh jitna jaanti hein, Sonu praaji khud apne baare mein ni jaante.

All the Sonuholics follow her to the sets.

Utkarsh - Can I be Hanuman?

Shalin - How can a chutku like you, be Hanuman? Naara tak toh theekse bandhna nahin aata.

Utkarsh - Oye, mai chutku nahin hoon. Mai ab high school mein hoon. Poore 14 years ka ho gaya hoon.

Vijay - SILENCE. Let the director speak.

Mahesh Joshi (DIRECTOR) - Bad news. I have to cast Sonu as Ravan.

A loud cheer goes up from the Sonuholics.

Ankita - Yaaayyy. We'll get to see ten of him in a single frame!

Ankitaa - Harisha, why are all heads having different expressions? 😟

Harisha - He's versatile, that's why 😉

Sangita - What's my role? What's my role?

Mahesh - You are... (shuffles through some papers)... Surpanakha.

Sangita - Surpanakha? You mean Ravan's... matlab... Shehzaade ki sister? Isssshhhh. Yey sunne se pehle mere kaan kyun nahin kat gaye? 😭

Madhu Kumari - Don't worry di, agle scene mein kat jayenge 😛

Gaurav Nigam (dressed as Hanuman and holding a bow and arrow) - Iss teer-kamaan ko online bechkar kaafi kamaya ja sakta hai. Kyun?

Priya (dressed as Ram) - I guess. But these wooden khadaun are so damn uncomfortable. Can't I wear my Jimmy Choo shoes?

Vijay - SILENCE.

Mahesh (Dir) - Aman, you are Vibhishana. Take your place next to Rama please.

Aman Singh - Na ji na. Maine ni chodna apne guruji ka saath. Kumbhkaran se bolo. Woh jaye Ram ke paas.

Milan - I learnt something new this week. That Ravan, Kumbhkaran and Vibhishana are all brothers 😅

Mahesh gives Aman and Milan an exasperated look. Decides to shoot the scene with Jatayu, while waiting for Sonu to arrive.

Mahesh - ACTION!

Neeraj dressed as Jatayu, is crying profusely.

Praveen (Laxman) - O Bheya, ro kyun raha hai?

Neeraj - Ravan ne mere wings kaat diye. 

Praveen - Koi nahin. Red Bull pi le, wapis aa jayenge.

Mahesh - (smacks his forehead) Beda gark ho inn naashpeeton ka. CUT! CUT!! CUT!!!

HALF AN HOUR LATER...

Mahesh - ... So this is the climax... where Ram kills Ravan. When I say action, all the monkeys have to rush at Ravan with their bows and arrows... Clear?

Sonu enters the sets, dressed as Ravan.

Zannat - Bah! Ki mishti Ravan 😍

Mahesh - ACTION!

All Sonuholics dressed as monkeys, drop their bows and arrows and charge towards Sonu with pen and paper.

Monkey Sonuholics - Autograph please.

(The song - Mujhe Mere Fans se Bachao, Mujhe Mere Pankhon se Bachao, plays in the background).

Mahesh (bangs his forehead on the wall) - CUT! CUT!! CUT!!! ... Pack up for lunch.

Lunch break is over.. Shooting of the Sita abduction scene is in progress.

Mahesh - Sonali, you're Sita...

Sonali - Really? My Angel's going to kidnap me? Tee hee 😊

Aastha, Yashita, Meher and Manisha come running to the sets.

Meher - Please give us a role as well.

Manisha - We'll do anything. We can be the dancing girls in Ravan's court.

Aastha - Or help Ravan kidnap Sita.

Sonali - Ravan and I don't need any kebab mein haddis, ok?

Vijay - SILENCE!

Mahesh - Annnddd ACTION!

Sonali (as Sita) bats her eyelashes coquettishly at Sonu, then sashays out of the Laxman rekha.

Sonu (as Ravan) grabs Sita's arm, then stares at it.

Sonu  - Chittiyaan kalaiyaan ve, o baby teri white kalaiyaan...

Sonali - (her white kalaiyaan blush and turn red) - Mera dil chahe, tumko jitna... na kisiko, chaha maine itna... 

Mahesh - CUT! CUT!! CUT!!! I give up 😢 Pack up guys.

Abhishek - Hey Ramchandra keh gaye siya se,
                   Aisa kaljug aayega,
                   Hansa likhegi gatha aisi,
                   Ulta sab ho jayega.

Hansa (casting director) - Hope all of you enjoyed the shooting. Those who didn't get a role, lemme me know which character you want to play and I will cast you next time 😉 And a big thank you to our little artist, Harisha, for the lovely poster 😍

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Nagmo ki ek Shaam... Sonu Nigam ke Naam

Tum Gao Hazaron Saal

Klose 2 My Soul... When Reality Surpasses Your Dreams

Ek Anokhi Mauke ki Dastak

Sonu aur Monu ki hai Jodi Ajeeb

They Killed It... Allah... Maar Daala

Keep smiling friends. Keep ROFL. Life is Beautiful 😊