Poster Credit: Harisha Jangid
(This is a fun blog written for Sonu and his Sonuholic family. All in good fun. No offence meant to anyone).
Nataliia - Guess what? We have permission to shoot The Ramayana with SONU NIGAM Ji!!!
Nahida - You kidding, right?
Ravi - Nataliiaji ne kaha hai toh sach hi huna. Woh jitna jaanti hein, Sonu praaji khud apne baare mein ni jaante.
All the Sonuholics follow her to the sets.
Utkarsh - Can I be Hanuman?
Shalin - How can a chutku like you, be Hanuman? Naara tak toh theekse bandhna nahin aata.
Utkarsh - Oye, mai chutku nahin hoon. Mai ab high school mein hoon. Poore 14 years ka ho gaya hoon.
Vijay - SILENCE. Let the director speak.
Mahesh Joshi (DIRECTOR) - Bad news. I have to cast Sonu as Ravan.
A loud cheer goes up from the Sonuholics.
Ankita - Yaaayyy. We'll get to see ten of him in a single frame!
Ankitaa - Harisha, why are all heads having different expressions? 😟
Harisha - He's versatile, that's why 😉
Sangita - What's my role? What's my role?
Mahesh - You are... (shuffles through some papers)... Surpanakha.
Sangita - Surpanakha? You mean Ravan's... matlab... Shehzaade ki sister? Isssshhhh. Yey sunne se pehle mere kaan kyun nahin kat gaye? 😭
Madhu Kumari - Don't worry di, agle scene mein kat jayenge 😛
Gaurav Nigam (dressed as Hanuman and holding a bow and arrow) - Iss teer-kamaan ko online bechkar kaafi kamaya ja sakta hai. Kyun?
Priya (dressed as Ram) - I guess. But these wooden khadaun are so damn uncomfortable. Can't I wear my Jimmy Choo shoes?
Vijay - SILENCE.
Mahesh (Dir) - Aman, you are Vibhishana. Take your place next to Rama please.
Aman Singh - Na ji na. Maine ni chodna apne guruji ka saath. Kumbhkaran se bolo. Woh jaye Ram ke paas.
Milan - I learnt something new this week. That Ravan, Kumbhkaran and Vibhishana are all brothers 😅
Mahesh gives Aman and Milan an exasperated look. Decides to shoot the scene with Jatayu, while waiting for Sonu to arrive.
Mahesh - ACTION!
Neeraj dressed as Jatayu, is crying profusely.
Praveen (Laxman) - O Bheya, ro kyun raha hai?
Neeraj - Ravan ne mere wings kaat diye.
Praveen - Koi nahin. Red Bull pi le, wapis aa jayenge.
Mahesh - (smacks his forehead) Beda gark ho inn naashpeeton ka. CUT! CUT!! CUT!!!
HALF AN HOUR LATER...
Mahesh - ... So this is the climax... where Ram kills Ravan. When I say action, all the monkeys have to rush at Ravan with their bows and arrows... Clear?
Sonu enters the sets, dressed as Ravan.
Zannat - Bah! Ki mishti Ravan 😍
Mahesh - ACTION!
All Sonuholics dressed as monkeys, drop their bows and arrows and charge towards Sonu with pen and paper.
Monkey Sonuholics - Autograph please.
(The song - Mujhe Mere Fans se Bachao, Mujhe Mere Pankhon se Bachao, plays in the background).
Mahesh (bangs his forehead on the wall) - CUT! CUT!! CUT!!! ... Pack up for lunch.
Lunch break is over.. Shooting of the Sita abduction scene is in progress.
Mahesh - Sonali, you're Sita...
Sonali - Really? My Angel's going to kidnap me? Tee hee 😊
Aastha, Yashita, Meher and Manisha come running to the sets.
Meher - Please give us a role as well.
Manisha - We'll do anything. We can be the dancing girls in Ravan's court.
Aastha - Or help Ravan kidnap Sita.
Sonali - Ravan and I don't need any kebab mein haddis, ok?
Vijay - SILENCE!
Mahesh - Annnddd ACTION!
Sonali (as Sita) bats her eyelashes coquettishly at Sonu, then sashays out of the Laxman rekha.
Sonu (as Ravan) grabs Sita's arm, then stares at it.
Sonu - Chittiyaan kalaiyaan ve, o baby teri white kalaiyaan...
Sonali - (her white kalaiyaan blush and turn red) - Mera dil chahe, tumko jitna... na kisiko, chaha maine itna...
Mahesh - CUT! CUT!! CUT!!! I give up 😢 Pack up guys.
Abhishek - Hey Ramchandra keh gaye siya se,
Aisa kaljug aayega,
Hansa likhegi gatha aisi,
Ulta sab ho jayega.
Hansa (casting director) - Hope all of you enjoyed the shooting. Those who didn't get a role, lemme me know which character you want to play and I will cast you next time 😉 And a big thank you to our little artist, Harisha, for the lovely poster 😍
Keep smiling friends. Keep ROFL. Life is Beautiful 😊